Laugh Corner!

The Funniest Joke in Belgium.



Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To stamp out fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stamp out burning ducks.

The Funniest Joke in Canada



When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a pencil.


Huh..? that knows everyone..but canadians think that it's funny??

101 Ways To Annoy People ( well, I think that is extremly much, so I'll post
only 20)

1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly. ( can u do it?? I can.. )

2. Staple papers in the middle of the page.

3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."

5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. <

7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.

8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".

10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.

11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

12. Sniffle incessantly.

13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

14. Name your dog "Dog."

15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."

18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".

19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."

20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.

1.A blonde keeps walking down her drive to her mail box.

She keeps doing this until her neighbour asks her why she is doing that.

The blonde replies "My computer keeps telling me that i've got mail".


2.
the funniest blonde joke
I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......

* she called me to get my phone number.

* she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."

* she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

*she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.

*she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

*she tried to drown a fish.

*she thought a quarterback was a refund.

*she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

*she tripped over a cordless phone.

*she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

*she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.

*she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.

*when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.

*when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

*when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home

Awesome

yea awsome tam!!!!

thnx sweeties!! I'll post more soon

Goldstar wrote:thnx sweeties!! I'll post more soon

I can't wait to laught again

Vanessa wrote:

Goldstar wrote:thnx sweeties!! I'll post more soon

I can't wait to laught again

yea me too

Hey, some jokes!!

Doctor! I have a serious problem, I can never remember what i just said.
When did you first notice this problem?
What problem?

What is defference between man and Superman?
Man wears underwear under the trouser and superman wears it over the trouser.

Sam: Would you punish me for some thing i didn't do?
Teacher: no, of course not.
Sam: good, because i didn't do my homework.

How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.

Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
Take your foot off his head.

I think men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They have experience pain and bought jewelry.
Rita Rudner

WHY, WHY, WHY..

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are almost dead?

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Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they already know there is not enough money?

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Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars; but have to check when you say the paint is still wet?

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Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

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Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

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Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

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Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?

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If people evolved from apes, why are there still ape s?

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Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

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Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

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Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

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Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

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Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

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How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

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When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That really hurt, why don't you watch where you're going?'

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Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

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In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

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How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

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And... The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

Very good ones!! Vanesa we should use google translator to translate our albanian ones!!

Foreign signs

At a Budapest zoo:
PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.

Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner. Japan:
COOLES AND HEATES: IF YOU WANT CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.

In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.

On the grounds of a Nairobi private school:
NO TRESPASSING WITHOUT PERMISSION.

In Aamchi Mumbai restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, AND WEEKENDS TOO.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.

Tourist agency, Czechoslovakia:
TAKE ONE OF OUR HORSE-DRIVEN CITY TOURS. WE GUARANTEE NO MISCARRIAGES.

The box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:
GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE.

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.

A blonde and a brunette are driving down the highway in a convertible. The brunette knows that she's speeding so she asks the blonde if there's a cop behind them. The blonde looks behind her and sees a cop and tells the brunette. The brunette then asks if his he's got his lights on. The blonde replies "Yes...No...Yes...No...Yes...No"

A brunette says to a blonde "Look! A dead bird!" and the blonde looks up and says "Where?"

Signs You Drink Too Much Coffee

- You answer the door before people knock.
- Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
- You ski uphill.
- You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
- You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
- You lick your coffeepot clean.
- You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
- Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
- You chew on other people's fingernails.
- Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend."
- You can type sixty words per minute ... with your feet.
- You can jump-start your car without cables.
- You don't need a hammer to pound nails.
- Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
- You buy 1/2 & 1/2 by the barrel.
- You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
- You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
- You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
- You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
- Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
- You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
- People get dizzy just watching you.
- You've worn the finish off your coffee table.
- Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
- Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.
- Instant coffee takes too long.
- When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."
- Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
- You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
- You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
- You can thread a sewing machine while it's running.
- You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
- You short out motion detectors.
- You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
- Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
- You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
- You don't tan, you roast.
- You can't even remember your second cup.
- You help your dog chase its tail.

1.Q- Why is the sky blue?
A- Because if it was green you would not know when to stop mowing.

2. never lie to your boss
BOSS said to an employee: "Do you believe in life after Death?
EMPLOYEE : "Certainly not! There 's no proof of it", he replied.
BOSS : "Well, there is now. After you left early yesterday to go to your uncle's funeral,
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
He came here looking for you.!"

LOL

hahhhahah

LOvely!!! n LOLLLLL

thanks girls!

The Only One wrote:thanks girls!

Np!